


Only God Can Judge Me Now

by insomniacjams



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, M/M, background Larry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 12:21:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2468108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniacjams/pseuds/insomniacjams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The dystopian Niam AU that got a little out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [balefully](https://archiveofourown.org/users/balefully/gifts).



> Written for Lucy (Balefully on AO3, psycholinguistic) for the Niam fic exchange.  
> I swear to God I had the premise for the story before I saw your tumblr title "I, Niallbot" … I ran out of steam sooner than I thought I would – I was hoping to break 8k words and there's a billion things I could elaborate on in this universe that I didn't but I hope you like it, especially since this turned out not nearly as Niall-centric as I intended. 
> 
> All the love and thanks to my wonderful beta Hannah who was brilliant especially since she isn't even in the 1D fandom!
> 
> Title and inspiration from:
> 
> "I never feared death or dying  
> I only fear never trying  
> I am whatever I am,  
> Only God can judge me, now"  
> -We Own It, 2 Chainz
> 
> Enjoy. 

"Do you believe in God?" Harry asked. His fingers entwined with Louis' as they lay on the trampoline. 

"I don't know," Louis said, looking around them. The yard was surrounded by dense shrubbery – nobody could see beyond the high hedges. Louis wondered what it would be like, growing up in the drab grey house that sat on the lot. He thought it'd be rather dull. 

"Me neither," Harry said, pursing his lips. Louis squeezed his hand and waited. "Well, I mean, sometimes I think there isn't, you know?" Harry sucked in a deep breath and gnawed at his bottom lip. "Maybe if there really was a God, he wouldn't have let his people become the way they are now."

"There aren't people anymore," Louis reminded Harry calmly. "No more humans, Hazza. Just you, me, and every other android out there – winding each other up like old watches, like us."

"You're wrong," Harry insisted. "Liam's a human. So is Niall. They exist."

"Oh, honey," Louis sighed, dropping Harry's hand, looking up into the black, starless sky. "Liam's not a human – he's just got unmodified physical features. He's an experiment. Niall, the poor sod, he's just a freak of nature."

It wasn't true though; Harry knew better than to listen to Louis' bemoaning about the current state of affairs on earth. Louis was a bitter android, tossed to the curb by his human years before the revolution began – he'd been at the heart of it, leading hordes of androids to fight for their basic rights.

"Unmodified physical features are what makes you human though," Harry said pointedly. "You told me that, years ago, when we were first being built. I think I must've been only two or three back then, but I remember."

"Of course you do," Louis tapped Harry's head with an eye roll. "You're good at that."

"They said I was one of the first that could retain the memories," Harry sighed. "They said it was one of my features – I'm the experiment, Lou. Not Liam; the guy's never gone under, not even once. He doesn't even have a key to wind, Lou. Human – pure flesh and bone, him and Niall, they are."

"There aren't humans anymore," Louis insisted. "There haven't been, not since the HAARP took effect." 

"The Human-Android Active Replacement Plan is joke and while it instituted android rights, it took away all my basic human rights," Liam announced, walking into the yard. "It took me three fucking hours to find you guys – you've been here this whole time?"

"Yeah," Harry drawled, looking up at Liam. "What took you so long?"

"Car broke down," Liam admitted.

"That's the third one in a week," Louis groaned, exasperated. "We'll have to find a new one now."

"That's good; it'll give us something to do," Zayn said, coming up from where he'd been hiding in Liam's shadow. "I feel like we lost something important in the accident, though I can't seem to remember what." And Harry stifled a laugh, because for every moment his brain locked away in a 99.98% accurate memory, Zayn forgot something else.

"You forgot Niall again," Louis said with a dead stare and flat voice.

"Oh, Niall. The Irish one, right? Funny lad, that one. Where's he at?" Zayn asked, turning to Liam, whose face fell.

"I don't know," he said, "but he'll find his way back to us and back home. He always does."

"Okay," Zayn said, reaching into his pockets and lighting up a smoke, though he seemed to forget it was between his fingers the moment he did, and it hung there limply, burning away like a beacon in the endlessly black night.

"We should go, if we have to walk," Harry reasoned, lifting himself from the trampoline before helping Louis off. 

"Back home then?" Liam asked, and Louis snorted.

"It isn't so much of a home though, is it? We're like a bunch of animals, living in cages."

"Have you got a better idea?" Liam snapped bitterly, and Louis plucked the fag from between Zyan's fingers, bringing it to his own lips. 

"I never do. Lead the way, captain." And Liam did, marching them into the dark night, down the winding streets past the stray dogs and the scattered android parts, the city sleeping as their ragtag team of misfits slowly lumbered home.

The junkyard was on the edge of town; it mostly contained spare parts, along with leftover bits and pieces that nobody needed anymore, and some junk. It was a place androids left spare arms or legs, but furniture sometimes ended up there too.

They'd found the cages, large human-sized cages probably leftover from experimentation. Louis liked to think about the people that died in those cages, though the others never let him blather on about it too long.

They lived in them – draped warm blankets and tarps over the mesh and called it home. They built beds, or nests, of blankets and pillows and sheets, and slept there some nights, even though the androids didn't technically need to sleep.

"Can you wind me?" Zayn asked Liam as they crawled into the cage the two of them shared with Niall, while Harry and Louis crept into their own.

"Of course," Liam said, and Zayn presented his key to Liam from the chain around his neck, secured so that he'd never misplace it. 

"I like it when you do it," Zayn said. "You're my best friend, you know that?"

"I do," Liam said, because Zayn said that every night – every night he needed to refuel. Liam brushed aside the hair at the nape of his neck, and found the keyhole, fleshy and dark like the rest of Zayn, so innocuous, camouflaged into the human skin. 

Zayn's key was heavy and brass, with an intricate floral design much like the tattoo on his wrist. Liam felt like he had it a long time, maybe longer than he'd ever known Liam, or Niall, or even Louis or Harry – but Zayn could never remember enough to tell them where he came from, not even the day they woke up and he was there, blinking at them like a spooked animal.

"Do you miss him?" Zayn asked, as Liam turned the key in a rhythmic, soothing motion, listening to the clicking; listening to the ticking that came like a rapid heartbeat from inside Zayn.

"Every time he goes," Liam said, and Zayn smiled.

"I bet if I remembered him, I'd miss him too." 

Liam tucked Zayn into the blankets before curling up on his own, thinking about Zayn, and about how he never asked to remember. He thought about Zayn, about Zayn telling him each night, "You're my best friend."

"You're my best friend too," Liam said into the darkness, and Zayn shifted from somewhere near Liam's left arm.

"I thought that was Niall," He said, but Liam shook his head, though he knew Zayn couldn't see it.

"I think, uh, I think Niall's something else for me," he confessed. "I worry too much about him sometimes that I think maybe he's more than just a friend."

"If it's any consolation, I bet he feels the same," Zayn said.

"You don't even remember him," Liam rolled his eyes. "Go to sleep, Zayn."

"I bet if I remembered, my answer wouldn't change," Zayn said, but Liam ignored him, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to give in to sleep.


	2. finders keepers

Liam found the jeep upturned on the side of the highway, nearly a day's hike from the junkyard. It was missing a roof, but it ran – someone had hotwired it, maybe a long time ago, and once Liam had it fueled up, it purred like a kitten who only needed a bit of tender loving care.

Niall was there, waiting for them. Liam recognized the hair first, the brilliant bleach-blond mop poking out from the shell of the vehicle. "I was waiting for you," he said, his lips quirking into a smile, unable to help the way the grin lit up his whole face.

"Waited, did you?" Louis snorted. "Not much else to do around here, I guess."

"Knew you guys would find me," Niall said, unfazed by Louis' rough words. "Do you remember me, Zayn?"

"You're Niall," Zayn said, and Niall nodded brightly, smiling like he didn't know the only reason Zayn knew his name was because Louis had told him the night before. He was always good like that – good to Zayn like that, every time something happened, and Zayn had to learn of him all over again, though he seemed to remember a bit more each time.

"Mate, let me tell you about that time we set Louis' leg on fire and Harry had to build him a new one," Niall chortled, hooking his arm around Zayn's. Zayn went easily, following the smaller lad off and leaving Liam, Harry and Louis to work on the jeep.

"I think about the day the sun burnt out a lot," Niall told Liam quietly as they laid next to each other on their blankets that night after returning to the junkyard. Liam nodded in acknowledgement.

"I used to," He admitted, "but then I met you." Liam smiled warmly, reaching out to touch – something, anything, just a bit of contact. They'd been dancing around this thing, this electric buzz around them for so long, that they practically emitted their own electric field.

"What do you mean?" Niall asked, and Liam grinned.

"It was so nice to see another human, you know? Someone who didn't have gears on their legs or guns for arms or something. Like, you're just, I don't know. You're normal, or I guess what used to be normal, back before androids became commonplace and HAARP was necessary."

"Liam, I should probably tell you-"

"That's not all though," Liam plowed on, interrupting Niall. "I mean, when you smile, it's like sunshine. You're like the light in our lives, Ni. You know how to make everyone smile."

"Thanks," Niall sighed, turning a bit to get a good look at Liam. "I just… Thank you."

"What for? You did it all," Liam said, and Niall shook his head.

"I'm not a good person, Liam. There's something important I should tell you. I can't lie to you-"

"Shh," Liam pressed a finger to Niall's lips. "Time for sleep."

"Okay," Niall gave in. "Okay." He lay still for a long time, listening to Liam's breathing even out. It was only then that he let himself cross the small space between their bodies, snuggling up to the broad chest and listening to that familiar heartbeat.

Thump.  
Thump.  
Thump.

He prayed that in the morning, when Liam woke up, he wouldn't ask why the ticking was so loud; he was thankful that in the early hours of morning, Zayn joined them in the cage without so much as a backward glance at their position.

"They're going to die soon," Louis said the next morning, relaxing in the hammock swinging from the soot covered trees. "Humans can't live under conditions like this. The air quality is bad; the water is bad; the living thing is bad for you."

"According to you, nothing's good for you," Zayn rolled his eyes.

"That's because Louis' a pessimist by his programming," Niall explained to Zayn, stretching until he could feel his joints crack. "Morning, guys."

"You looked cozy with Liam last night," Harry commented.

"I shouldn't get so close," Niall frowned. "It was wrong, but he was warm."

"You're awfully cold for a human," Louis commented, reaching out to touch Niall.

"It's because of these conditions," Niall sighed. "I'm not healthy. I don't retain heat. I haven't eaten in over 24 hours."

"Maybe we should find some food today," Zayn offered, and Harry and Louis agreed.

"Let's take the jeep and go beachcombing down by the river," Liam said, and in a world as bleak as theirs, there was no reason to object. They took the jeep down to the waterfront and clambered onto the sandy beach, kicking aside debris as they went.

It got colder near the water; the wind seeps into their bones and Liam feels the chill – but the chill came like a cheap thrill, when he didn't have beer to drink, the river, it was the nearest thing to being drunk.

After Harry, Louis, and Zayn went off on the hunt past the piles of rubble that had washed ashore, Liam and Niall stripped of their clothes, exposing their pale skin to the harsh darkness of day. "It was bright once," Liam said, his smile drooping as he tossed his pants aside and stepped into the river.

"The water was clear," Niall said, looking down into the milky brown where they were bathing. 

"The sun used to shine," Liam continued.

"The water was warm," Niall said.

"I wasn't afraid to call myself human," Liam said, dropping his body so that the water covered him to his neck. He reached out, and Niall reached back, until their fingertips touched. They floated together, bodies coated by the dirt in the river, closed their eyes, and imagined the sun.

They imagined what it was like, floating on the water with the warmth beating down on their cheeks, burning them up from the outside.

"I wasn't afraid to want to be," Niall whispered, but Liam wasn't there, already an arm's length away, his eyes squeezed tight, floating down the river without him.


	3. when all is lost

Nobody was in the vicinity when Louis died. It happened with an electric shock, sparks flying in all directions as his chassis sputtered and stopped – just stopped, like it'd never breathed before. Niall screamed, Zayn cried, Liam stared, and Harry… 

Harry put him back together.

He started with caution, gently prodding the shell of Louis' body with a long pole before approaching it, and unfastening his tool belt. He used to Louis' tools to carefully dismantle his body, and slowly opened him up, exposing the wirework for the world to see. 

Liam watched with his eyes wide in mild horror as Harry fidgeted with the live wires. They sat there for hours under the ashen sky, watching, waiting, holding their breath. Zayn found a spider; he named it, but he promptly forgot the name, and then lost the spider again.

"Do you need help?" Zayn asked, and Harry bit his tongue and shook his head. A beat later, Zayn frowned and asked, "Is he dead?"

"Not anymore," Harry crowed victoriously as he closed Louis' skin back up; the stitches went in smoothly, and then the key – he wound it twenty-two times, just like he always did, and though a bit creaky, Louis stuttered back into movement. 

"I was hoping to see the sun," he said, and Niall and Liam shared a look.

"I can't remember the sun," Zayn said.

"I do," Liam said. "It was warm."

"Like you," Niall said, his eyes trained on Liam. And everyone nodded before they helped Louis off the dirt, and back to the jeep. 

The cages were quiet in the dead of night. The birds had long gone. The only sounds were the rhythmic ticking of hearts and Liam's soft breathing, filling the space. Niall clutched at his thin, worn blanket, tried to retain body heat, and stared into the night.

Somewhere, a dog barked, and the quiet was gone.

"What are you looking at?" Liam asked, startling Niall into a sitting position.

"Nothing, go back to sleep."

"Come closer; I'm cold," Liam demanded, but Niall shook his head, clutching his blanket tighter.

"I won't keep you warm, Liam. I'm never warm."

"Then maybe I'll warm you up," Liam insisted, and lifted Niall easily by his armpits, bringing him closer to Liam's side. 

"I won't warm up," Niall argued, but it was pointless, as Liam settled around his cold body, and soon his soft breaths filled the cages again.

Niall leaned over, pressed a ghost of a kiss to his forehead, and watched as Liam slept.

It was cold in the morning. Liam shivered against Niall's skin, and Niall flinched, pulling his own cold hands back from the skin of Liam's back. He watched as his friend trembled in his sleep, gently slipping backward until they no longer touched.

"Where'd you go?" Liam drawled sleepily, his voice scratchy and hoarse from lack of use overnight. "You were right here," he pouted, his eyes still squeezed tight from the offending dark skies.

"I'm still here," Niall said, nosing his way back into Liam's space, so close, millimetres from his cheek – but not touching, never touching, because he was too cold. 

"I know," Liam said, reaching out blindly, his hand searching for a piece of Niall – any piece of Niall – and Niall, he just pulled back, balked and curled into himself.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I'll be here."

"Can you come closer?" Liam asked him, and Niall shrugged, though he knew Liam couldn't see. "Please," Liam said, and in that moment, he sounded so broken, his voice cracking – throat probably sore from breathing in the ash and dust that Niall felt his body moving forward before he had even fully wrapped his head around the question.

"I'm so cold," Niall whimpered, but Liam only pressed closer.

"You’re always so cold," he breathed, and then he was close, so close to Niall's face – Niall's eyes, nose, lips. "Let me warm you up, Niall – please, let me hold you-"

"Liam, I can't…"

"You can," Liam said firmly.

"I can't be warm," Niall insisted, but Liam wrapped his tired arms around Niall's slim body and shook his head against Niall's cheek. 

"You can," Liam repeated, and then he came closer still. Niall felt his breath hitch, he felt his heart miss a click. He felt his whole body lock up in a stiff motion, and then Liam's lips were on his, soft and warm against his own rubbery, cold ones. 

And Niall did the only thing he could.

He kissed him back.

They stayed like that for a long time; Niall let Liam touch him, stroking rough, callused fingers down his side and tried to hold still – tried to reciprocate. He held his breath and then he breathed again. Piece by piece, he started relaxing, until he was loose and pliant.

As they kissed, as Liam held him close, Niall closed his eyes, and in that moment, he prayed that this very second – Liam's hands wrapped so securely, so warmly, around his body, would last forever. 

However, as life seemed to go most days, nothing lasted forever and nothing gold could stay – it was Liam who pulled away first, looking confused. "What's that ticking?"

"I don't know – isn't Zayn always ticking?" Niall asked, looking across the cage to where Zayn lay curled around his blanket, sound asleep.

"It's so loud though," Liam said, and Niall slowly scooted away from Liam with a frown.

"Yeah, maybe Zayn needs a bit of oil," he said, but even as he spoke, he was already getting out from the blankets and making his way toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Liam called, but Niall was already gone, the cage door clanging shut behind him.

"Where did he go?" Liam asked Harry when he emerged from the cage, but Harry just shrugged and blinked unseeingly at Liam.

"I think he went for a walk," Harry said at last, and Liam sighed.

"Thanks, Harry."

"You're welcome. Can you wind me?"

"Doesn't Louis usually do that?" Liam asked, taking the key from Harry's hand."

"Usually, yeah," Harry sighed. "I think he went after Niall because he left me this."

"Does it feel weird when someone different does it?" Liam asked. "I mean, Zayn always makes weird noises when you do it."

"I don't know, that might just be a Zayn thing," Harry laughed, using his hand to brush aside his hair and expose the keyhole at the base of his neck. "Now come on, I'm running out of steam here."

"Right," Liam sighed, slipping the key into the hole and twisting it a few times, feeling Harry relax in front of him. "If I were like you guys," Liam said after a beat, "I think I'd just make Niall wind me all the time. Like, I can't imagine having to this myself – reaching back there must be awkward."

"Niall would love to wind you. I wish we had the machines – we could add some parts, and fix you up," Louis interrupted their conversation. 

"I don't need any fixing," Liam said firmly, and that was that.

They passed the day in the junkyard, searching for scraps they could use – "You scared us," Harry said, frowning as he kicked aside a pile of rusty gears. "I want to be ready, in case we'll need extra parts again."

"We won't," Louis said, but Liam shook his head.

"He's right – we'll need them one day, whether we want to or not."

"You won't," Louis snapped bitterly, but stopped talking after that.

Liam used his flashlight to scour the yard, but he wasn't well versed in robotics and his only experience with construction consisted of watching Harry rebuild Louis time and time again. "What are we doing?" Zayn asked, feeling equally as useless as Liam, because he could never remember what he was looking for.

"We're going on a treasure hunt," Harry explained from across the sea of broken parts. "Come here," he beckoned, patiently guiding Zayn through a basic description of useable parts, much like he'd done a thousand times before.

"Doesn't that get old?" Louis scoffed, watching Zayn's back as he left following Harry's explanation. "You'll have to do it again in an hour."

"It gives him hope," Harry said, and when Louis opened his mouth angrily to respond, Liam looked away, moving on to a different portion of the junkyard in hopes of finding something worthwhile.

He didn't.

Instead, Liam found Niall crying in the cages; the blankets were draped over the wired frames to keep passing scavengers from staring. He was curled up, tangled in his own limbs, with fat tears rolling down his reddened cheeks. 

"You'll be okay," Liam tried to comfort him, leaping into motion and quickly moving across the floor and placing a hand on Niall's cold, stiff shoulder. He wasn't sure why Niall was crying, but from the way his eyes glistened in the dark, Liam knew it was serious.

"No, it can't," Niall sobbed, and Liam frowned.

"Can't, or won't?" He asked, because in the end, it was still Niall, and he wouldn't let Niall absorb Louis' negative attitude.

"Can't, Liam," Niall said patiently, his voice level even through his tears. "It can't get better."

"Why not?" Liam asked, outraged.

"I lost something important when were in the river," Niall said, and that night, he let Liam curl around him and bury his face into Niall's shoulder as he slept. As Liam dozed, Niall clung on to his tank top like it was a life preserver. "I haven't got long left now," Niall whispered, leaning down to kiss Liam on the crown of his head.

"None of us do," Liam said, and Niall felt a lump swell in his throat.

"You don't understand," he wanted to say, but the words were caught, trapped between his lips and the tip of his tongue, balancing on his teeth, teetering, but rooted inside his mouth forever.

"Hey guys," Zayn grinned, climbing into the cage, catching their attention and distracting them from the conversation. "I found a spider. I think I'll call it Ant."


	4. an empty shell

The light was blazing when Liam opened his eyes. He thought, for the first time in many years, he was seeing the sunrise. He felt young again, like a child clinging to his mother's skirt, watching the rays peer over the horizon.

Then he woke up properly, peeked past the blankets that were sliding from the top of the cage, and realized the junkyard was on fire. It wasn't anything rare; brushfires were common those days. Liam shook Zayn awake, and when Niall did not respond, he tossed the limp body over his shoulder and left the cage and their meager belongings behind.

"Harry, Louis, we've got to go," Liam yelled, a sleepy Zayn trailing behind him, and Niall weighing down his shoulder. The couple emerged groggily from their cage, but as the heat from the fire intensified and smoke fanned across their faces, they winced and joined Liam in the slow jog to the edge of the junkyard.

From beyond the fence, with Zayn propped lazily against a tree, Louis sitting on the ashen ground, Harry standing limply, jaw slack, and Niall leaning heavily on Liam's side, they watched the place they'd called home for as long as they could disintegrate before their eyes.

The smoke billowed up in a wide column, thickening the layer of soot in the air. "We should go," Harry said after a moment of silence. "We can't breathe here."

"We can't breathe anywhere," Louis spat, but he led them away from the fences, away from the chimney that was their home, and toward the river where they'd wash the grim from their faces.

"Where do we go now?" Harry asked, picking at a piece of straw lying at his toes after he sprawled out on the riverbank. "We can't stay here. We haven't even got blankets. Liam and Niall will freeze."

"It don't matter," Niall said dully. "I'm staying here."

"Why's that?" Zayn asked, reaching into his pockets and then frowning, like he couldn't understand he'd left everything behind in the fire, including his smokes. And what a funny habit it was, smoking, in a world where they couldn't walk three steps without choking on a lungful of ash.

"I can't go, Zayn," Niall explained slowly.

"Can't, or won't?" Liam asked again, and Niall didn't bother to reply this time. Instead, he lay his head down and closed his eyes.

"It won't be much longer now," he said, glancing at his wrist like he was looking for a watch he never wore.

"Come on, Niall – we should get moving before it gets too late," Liam said, but Niall shook his head again, determinedly staring away from Liam's concerned expression. 

"Please, Liam – just go."

"Fine, if you don't want to come with us, we'll just stay," Liam said stubbornly, sitting next to Niall.

"Not long now," Niall whimpered, and Zayn, like a cat, curled up at Niall's other side, like he had a sixth sense. Like he knew. 

"You're so quiet right now," Zayn whispered, laying his head down on Niall's lap. 

"Niall, please," Liam tried again, but Niall only shook his head, catching Liam's cheek with a cold palm and brushing his thumb over Liam's lips.

"I can't, Liam."

That time, when they kissed, Niall didn't close his eyes. He wanted to burn it into his memory; he wanted to remember that moment for the rest of his life.

And six, or was it seven, hours later, as they slept fitfully under a blanket of thick smog and the memories of cages around their frail bodies and ticking hearts, Niall's body whirred to a stop.

Liam's warmth had seeped into his cold skin overnight. "It's weird like this," Zayn said, staring up at the sky.

"What is?" Harry asked, as he looked anywhere Liam, clutching Niall's lifeless body in his clammy hands.

"Niall's so quiet," Zayn frowned. "I'm not used to it."

"I know the lad is loud, but even he doesn't talk all the time," Louis snorted.

"No, I mean, it's a different kind of quiet," Zayn said. "I feel like something's missing, but I can't remember what. He's not loud, like you guys."

"I don't get it," Harry said.

"We're not loud," Louis retorted at the same time.

"You're only saying that to be contrary," Zayn observed, and then he stood up, brushed off the seat of his trousers, and stalked off toward the river bank to bathe, like if he couldn't see Niall's still body, it wouldn't exist.

And perhaps he was lucky, in a way, because as it was out of sight, for Zayn, it was out of mind.

It was Liam who insisted they give Niall a proper burial. "We could do a Viking funeral like on those films I watched as a kid," he said, and when Harry and Louis looked at him in confusion, Liam frowned.

"A Viking funeral?" Harry asked.

"We'll build a ship, because we don't have one," Liam said. "We'll tie his body to the ship, and set fire to it when we send it down the river."

"Okay," Louis said, satisfied with the idea. "Let's build Niall the best ship we've ever built." Liam felt it best not to mention none of them had any experience in ship building.

Find enough material to construct a ship strong enough to support Niall's body was no easy feat; they spent the next 48 hours scouring the riverbank looking for planks of wood and something to bind them together. When Zayn crafted a sail from an old sheet, they chased the vultures from Niall's body, and kept a safe watch over his pale skin.

"Dignity is the least we can do," Liam said, and when they finally hoisted the sail on the boat and tested it on the river, they were all equally surprised to find it floated. 

"We did it," Harry said proudly; he looped an arm lazily over Louis' shoulder, and Louis leaned into him, his eyes trained on Niall's body, lying cold and forgotten on the river bank.

"Should we move him then?" Louis asked. "Let's just get this over with and watch him burn." Harry turned away at Louis' harsh words, but nodded, nudging Liam who stood awkwardly next to him.

"I think you should do it," Harry said, his hands shaking as he nudged Liam toward Niall on the riverbank. "He would've wanted you to."

"Go," Louis said, and Zayn just nodded once, chewing his bottom lip as he watched Liam take a trembling step toward Niall. "Go," Louis repeated, with more vehemence this time, and Liam went, his feet slipping over the wet rocks, leaning over to lift Niall off the hard ground and heave him onto the wooden planks.

When Liam went to lay Niall's body on the ship, he used one hand to brush at the wispy hair, thick and brown and so unbelievably unfamiliar, at the nape of his neck. It was then that Liam felt it, hard and cold, a foreign lump against the soft skin. 

Liam turned the body in his arms quickly, scrambling to move Niall's hair aside (his hair had gotten awfully long). There it was, clear as day – a keyhole, empty and waiting. And Liam, his hands trembled as he dropped Niall, the cold body tumbling to the dirt as he remembered that day, what felt an eternity ago.

Niall had looked up at him with those bright blue eyes, but they'd lost their spark. He'd looked at Liam like he'd destroyed the world. He'd said, "I lost something important."

"His heart used to tick so loud; he was a bit like a cheap watch," Zayn said, peering over Liam's shoulder. "I don't know how you guys never heard it."


	5. revival

"I used to lie awake and listen to his heart, at night," Zayn said, watching as Liam gently removed Niall's corpse from the planks of wood and laid him on his own lap. "He used to be so loud; I used to think I'd tell you all in the morning – maybe I'd tell you, Liam, when you wind me up next…"

"But you didn't," Louis snapped irritably, twisting past Harry to brush aside Niall's hair and inspect his keyhole. "Why didn't you tell us?" He asked flatly.

"It wasn't important," Zayn shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Did you forget?" Liam asked, and when Zayn didn't reply, staring blankly into the space beyond Liam's ear, he knew. "It's okay," he told Zayn, frowning when the other man looked away. "It's okay that you forgot – you're right, something like this, it isn't important."

"But it is," Harry frowned. "If we had known sooner, we could rebuild him sooner-"

"It isn't important," Liam insisted, pulling Zayn down onto the riverbank next to him and leaning against his friend with a lopsided hug. "It's what Niall would have wanted. He wanted nothing more than to be human, and we let him, for a while."

"Well, now it's a good thing he isn't human – we'll fix him up," Harry said, and Louis nodded along emphatically.

"We'll find the parts soon," he said. "Just keep him safe for now.

"He'll be safe with us," Liam said, tilting his head to the side as Zayn started plucking at the dried grass on the riverbank. "They both will."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Harry said, and when he and Louis walked off, Liam threaded his own fingers through Niall's cold, limp ones and thought, oddly enough, that he felt warmer than he'd ever felt before.

Harry and Louis made their way along the riverbank until they reached the mountains of scrap pieces. There, they began the tedious process of picking through the rusted, useless parts to slowly assemble a new system for Niall.

"Do you believe in God?" Louis asked as he combed through the pieces, loading the spare gears and belts into his pockets for further inspection when he found a piece he thought may be useable. 

"I don't know," Harry said, frowning at the cog in his hand. "We're like, trapped in this perpetual machine – I don't think it'd be quite this bleak if there was truly something else out there bigger than all this."

"Maybe there is a God," Louis said. "I've been thinking; maybe he's just seen this world go to shit, and he doesn't care? I mean, if I were him, and all my creations were being manipulated into something else, I'd just let it go."

"I bet there was a God once," Harry said, and Louis nodded in agreement.

"Maybe once, a long time ago, people needed one – they needed something to believe in, but then we figured out how it all worked, and now God's moved on."

"I bet God's doing something extraordinary somewhere," Harry said, picking at the pile at his feet before giving it a frustrated kick. "And we're stuck here, living like vultures."

"I'd rather live like a scavenger than not live at all," Louis said pointedly. "I know there's got to be something we can use here. Keep looking," he demanded. Harry nodded, moving forward.

Louis found the pieces by the river, two days later. 

"I found something here. It's not ideal; it's a bit dirty too but we can use this," he said, bringing the dirty parts back to where Harry lay in watch over Niall's body. 

"That's the first positive thing I've heard you say in weeks," Harry commented. "Liam went to look for food."

"Good. If Liam's gone for now," Louis mused. "We can use this right now. We'll have Niall back by morning – by the time Liam gets back from his hunt."

"Good," Harry sighed, taking the key and lock mechanism from Louis' outstretched hands. "I imagine Niall won't be pleased to hear we kept him waiting so long."

"Bet he won't be pleased to wake up at all. He was supposed to be human, wasn't he? Kept up the charade long enough. Someone should tell that wanker lying by omission is still lying. And even if he's pissed we kept him waiting, we didn't have the parts," Louis snapped irritably. 

"That's fine; let him lie. I'd rather a lying Niall in denial than none at all. Besides, we've got the parts now."

"Liam will be pleased," Louis said after a few long, slow breaths.

"Again with the positivity," Harry grinned. "I'm starting to think I put your head on wrong."

"You probably did," Zayn interrupted their moment, coming up behind them on the river bank. "Doesn't matter though, does it? Works now, yeah?"

"Feels functional to me," Louis said, picking his screwdriver up from his tool belt. "Alright, Niall. It's time to wake up."

"Who's that?" Zayn asked suddenly, interrupting the sound of Louis' screwdriver working open Niall's neck.

"You forgot Niall again," Louis said with a dead stare and flat voice.

"Oh, Niall. The Irish one, right? Funny lad, that one."


	6. epilogue

"He just needs a good wind, and he'll be ready to go," Louis said, shaking the dust from his hair and looking up at Liam, who'd stumbled back to their group just in time to see Harry close the panel on Niall's neck.

"So, why don't you wind him?" Liam asked with a roll of his eyes.

"We want you to do it," Harry said, as Zayn smiled from behind his shoulder. "We think you should be the first person he sees when he wakes up."

"We don't know what his brain's going to be like – it's been a long time," Harry explained, glancing at Zayn. "Sometimes, when someone's off for ages, it does things to them – things that can't be helped."

"It's better than being off forever," Zayn said flippantly. "Besides, I don't think Niall could forget you if he tried."

"And even if he did," Louis drawled, "You'll just teach him again."

"Do you feel that?" Zayn asked, as Liam placed Niall's body in his lap, and started to wind the key. "He's so warm now."

"I won't ever let him get so cold again," Liam promised, as Niall's eyes slowly fluttered open, eyelids coated in ash, cheeks stained grey like charcoal, and his body – warm, solid, and alive in Liam's arms, his insides ticking to life like a drumbeat – like a heartbeat.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.   
> Find me on Twitter [@Munnoaster](http://www.twitter.com/Munnoaster) or tumblr at [cloroformdreams](http://chloroformdreams.tumblr.com).
> 
> Come say hi. :)


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